Don't Panic!

I can't help but feel it a bit ironic that I had this ubiquitous phrase (made so famous by the author Douglas Adams from whose work the title of my blog comes) slapped onto the back window of my car, in which I actually used to panic quite a bit. I have a four hour commute between my home and college. I also have an irrational fear of driving. Well, really it's a somewhat rational fear given the number of car accidents, I would have to say that my fear of flying is probably more irrational really... But anyways, fear a funny thing - especially when what you're afraid of is intangible. I'm sure there's a Radiolab episode out there that explains the science behind fear, but alas I've yet to listen to it. So what you're going to get is some pseudo-science compliments of my mind!

Fear of the intangible or rather the non-existent, must involve a certain amount of self-deception, (which is another really strange concept.... how can we lie to ourselves?) But anyways, our brain isn't processing a hungry bear roaring into our faces with the hopes of us becoming it's next meal. No, instead the idea of an unlikely possibility manifests itself in very real way. Essentially, we turn nothing into something. I think we do this often, so often that I wonder how we evolved this way - to what advantage does it give us? (But this I will save for tomorrow's blog because I've been wanting to write something about lying in general!)

So one minute you're driving talking to your friend in the passenger seat, the next you become aware of your breathing. This is a strange feeling, to anticipate your every breath. Soon you feel like you're breathing is off, like it's somehow out of sync, you compensate and it begins to feel like you're almost getting too much air. Black spots appear and tunnel vision ensues. You have to pull over! You try to reason with yourself.... there's nothing to be frightened over! But you can't control your body, this is a fight that your mind has lost. How helpless of a feeling. The strangest thing about panic attacks is that they often happen unexpectedly, a.k.a you're not actively internalizing your fear at the moment the attack hits. That's the thing about worry and fear, they're real good hiders.

I remember when I was fearless, (it's something that I think develops with age.) I remember when my mind was in control of my body, it's when I was a gymnast. You see, gymnastics isn't something that one can just pick up. Doing a back flip isn't so much about the physical training it requires, as it is the mental. From a young age we were told to have no fears, second guessing oneself could have meant a broken neck after all. And I have to admit that it's an amazing feeling to be so careless. Well, life happens and here I am: trapped within my body, the way most people will live their lives. I'm not sure how the mind can triumph over unconscious physicality, something to think about I suppose...